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01 May Kansas City TourThis past weekend I went on another tour with the Gospel Choir. This time we went to Kansas City, Missouri. I was very excited since this is also my friend, Kristi's, hometown. I was able to stay with her during the weekend instead of a hotel. I love to visit her mom's house. It is like a movie home. She lives on the 13th floor of a sky scraper. Just amazing.
Be sure to take a look at the pictures. There is one in particular that shows just how much fun we had at Science City. Kristi and I took photos of our shadows in what is called a shadow box. People lined up everywhere watching us make fools of ourselves. Great fun was had by all.
Tonight, I went for a run but only made it about half way to my goal. I have not run in over a week. I think I need to build back up to it. A little disappointing but I still feel better than I did. I have had a little pent up anger evolving from somewhere. Maybe it is the pressure of not knowing what I am going to do for the summer. I went for a job interview Friday and it seemed to go well. However, I won't hear anything for a couple more days. If they offer me this job I think I am going to take it. I will only get to go home for a couple of weeks. This would put a lot of strain on me since I would have to find a way to transport my horses to Missouri and a place to keep them in Missouri in like a month! All of these anxieties...brings me back to this verse: "casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7. God loves and cares for me so much. How dare I be one of little faith. If God presents this opportunity, and He knows all of my needs ahead of time (before I even know them) then He will be sure to provide for all of them in light of the new opportunities that come my way. Wow, I don't even know if I understood that statement the way I worded it.
While I am at it. I am just going to pour out my heart, after all this is my journal. I am letting go of certain things...or should I say people in my life. People I hold on to as an act of control. There is one in particular that really brings pain and hurt to the deepest part of me. I do not really understand it or him for that matter. The end of March I made it clear that I could no longer be just his friend. I really do want more than that and to only talk with him every once in a while with no hope for any thing more than casual friends kills me. It is better to not talk with him at all (I think). So far God has blessed me with just enough comfort to not wallow in this hurt. But it is now May 1st and I am still in pain, still thinking of him, still picturing his face the first time I saw it, remembering the happiness and solitude I felt relaxing in the paddle boat while he read to me. I wonder why I feel this way. Why can't I just let go? There are so many negatives that go along with this person. I wanted to be the one to encourage him and I was for a time. I guess as I have said before there is a time for everything. Perhaps this is not the time to cling or to encourage or to wait, but, rather a time to let go. This is the only area in my life that actually brings with it stinging pain that pierces my heart. I must let go. I must be free. God help me to release him and not look for someone to fill his shoes. Help me to be patient and wait on Your timing. God, please create in me a calm spirit so that I may see Your will as it unfolds in my life.
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One last thought:
Today is the first day of May. Summer is coming. I hope I at least get to see the beach this summer even if it is just for one day. 10 February Weekend EscapadeWell, an answer to a prayer has arrived. I have such a passion for music and singing, however, I think I sound equivalent to Shrek's pain-stricken melody after being stung by a hornet. That is neither here nor there at this point because I have joined the gospel choir here at college...Yippee!
A couple weeks ago I went to watch my friends participate and join the gospel choir with the sole intention of OBSERVING! Little did I know that I would be caught up in all the excitment clapping my hands, swaying side to side, and jumping around with joy, all while singing at the top of my lungs within the first 5 mins of being there! Now, I am a member and this weekend we are headed to Springfield, MO to perform all weekend. Wow, I have been praying for God to show me how to praise him better and look at the opportunity He set before me!
All I have to say as a result of this lesson and blessin is this: if you have a passion for something, go for it and don't let anything stand in your way of achieving the point of utter fullfillment by exercising your passion through good works!
Speaking of passions, what is yours? 03 October College BoundI guess the title of this post gives away the "big" news that I have to share, but I am going to start from the beginning of the story...
On August 10, 2005, I decided to face my fears and turn right onto Peculiar Highway. I purchased my non-refundable airfare to travel to Missouri and visit the college that I had been contemplating whether or not to apply for. On August 20, 2005, I made yet another daring step, I went online and filled out an application for this college. After completing each of these tasks, I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I had an overwhelming since of peace about my spirit and I was even proud of myself. I knew that God was with me in this venture.
In the meantime, a friend had offered to remove some of the stress from my visit by driving me out to the college. I was reluctant at first for many reasons. But, through much prayer, God layed on my heart to allow this wonderful person to "drive Miss Daisey."
Then, on September 07, 2005, something very unexpected happened. As I sat at work the headaches came on, so bad that I could not function. I could not think straight; I was delusional. I went to the hospital and they tested me for menengitis by conducting a spinal tap...yikes! Well, that was not the case at all. The spinal tap came up negative for menengitis....yay! However, the headaches were not leaving me. On September 09, 2005, I went to an orthopaedic surgeon and spine specialist. After his observation of my condition, he wanted to conduct an MRI. Now, this is yet another obstacle due to my insurance company, who had to pre-approve this MRI. All the while I am having such horrible headaches that I cannot stand for more than a couple of minutes (not to mention the neck pain).
On September 12 (two days before I was suppose to fly out to Missouri to visit the college), I layed in bed that morning and prayed to my Healer, Jesus Christ. I told Him that I knew I was suppose to visit Missouri and this college, though I still was not sure 100% what I would find there. I told Him that I believed in His awesome healing power and that just by Him speaking he healed many people. I prayed that, though I was willing to endure the pain, I needed the headaches to be removed so that I could travel and visit with the college. I told Jesus I had total faith that if it is in God's will for my life, for me to travel, then it would be done. A while later I tried getting out of bed, and guess what....the headaches were gone!!!
Now, I was feeling better and excited. My faith was growing and I felt even more confident in my trip to Missouri. I knew that my MRI would be scheduled soon if the insurance company approved it. I prayed again to God and said, "Lord, I know that I need to get well first before attempting this trip, and, if my MRI is scheduled on Thursday or Friday, then I will not fly to Missouri instead I will stay to have my testing." About 4:30pm on September 13, the day before my scheduled flight out of Maryland, I received a phone call from my doctor's office. The lady told me the MRI had been approved and she had a date for my test. With eyes winced I waited for the date. She said, how about 7:00am tomorrow morning. I said, that is great! It worked out perfectly since my flight out of Maryland was not until 5:45pm.
So, off to Missouri it was! On September 16, 2005, I visited with the college. I was so nervous...I did not want to go in. But, when I walked through the door, I noticed something different...the atmosphere was full of Christian love and fellowship. The first six people that I encountered were more than willing to introduce themselves and converse with me. During the tour, not once did I feel uneasy or insecure. Honestly, I felt right at home. My heart was full of joy the entire visit, but my body was full of pain. I really did stick it out though and only by the strength of Christ did I.
As the tour ended, Jason, the Director of Admissions, told me he needed to speak with me before I left. Well, now I was nervous. I dreaded what he was going to say...can you say "oh you of little faith?"
Before me sat Jason, the man, the one who could accept me or dismiss me. He told me that he took the opportunity to pull my application while I was there and review it. At this point I think I was sweating. Then he told me that he had accepted me for the Spring semester!!! WOW! The sweat turned to tears as I sat there, shocked. So, I am really taking the plung and moving many states from home. Talk about a right onto Peculiar Highway, sheesh.
I also want to point out that God had his hands in the midst of this trip and that is the only reason everything worked out so beautifully. Another thing that really added to this trip was the fact that God brought into my life an amazing girl....Michelle. She was really able to hook me up with a hotel room for a very discounted rate. Thank God for that because I had not been working and really could not have afforded it otherwise. I also have to thank another friend, the one that drove this cripple around. If it was not for you, Brian, this trip would not have been possible. Both of you were brought into my life in the most unusual, freaky, unique way. I thank God for both of you daily. May he bless you abundantly for your display of love towards me.
Praise the Lord for He is good!
05 September MountainsHello all! I know my entries have been scarce, sorry. I am updating to tell you all that I went to Shenandoah Valley, VA, this weekend. Yay, I was in the mountains!!! It was more than beautiful. I don't think I have a word to discribe it right now, but, I will just say that all weekend I witnessed the face of God.
When I arrived in the park the first thing I saw, other than deer running around, was a....BEAR right in the middle of the road!!! Wow, I fumbled for my camera but did not get it out in time. I got out of the car- like an idiot- and went in search of it. (Just want to add that I was scared to death and normally would never dream of doing anything like this!). I was dismayed when I did not get a picture of the black beauty. I just did not realize something of that size could move so quickly, and, even more amazingly, disapear before your eyes.
My next adventure called for some hiking. I hiked and climbed rocks for 3 hours. I saw some amazing sites. My eyes could not even take in the magnitute of creation that was before me. It was like the further I looked the more white creation became. I believe, it was because I was looking so far away from where I sat that my eyes just could not see any further. At that moment, I was just still and quiet as I absorbed all that God had created for my enjoyment. I felt blessed to be able to experience His greatness, though what my eyes captured was microscopic compared to all of creation. As I sat there, I realized how very insignificant I am without my Heavenly Father. Comparing myself to creation is like me being the size of an ant on top of Mt. Everest. My mind is in awe of my Abba, and all that He has done to make me, a nobody, into a somebody who is destined to achieve great things! I climbed down that mountain completely satisfied with my life. My legs felt great, I was still breathing, and I was energized. However, when my body reached the car, all of a sudden, I was beat and my legs felt like they were going to fall off. Sheesh, not as fit as I once was!
That is about all that I have to share with you. I have added a few photos, but they do not even begin to give you an idea of what your eyes would behold while looking over the mountains for yourself.
I hope you enjoy the pictures. 11 August Missouri Here I ComeOk, this is big, HUGE even. Yesterday, I purchased my ticket to fly to Missouri. I will be leaving on Sept. 14 and returning to Maryland on Sept. 18. I will be needing many prayers. So, all you prayer buddies out there have been offically appointed (by no choice of your own) as my "prayer warriors". Get to prayin.........please
 .I have to admit that I am kinda scared. I know that God has something in Missouri for me - something to gain, somehow! I am not sure what it is. I am going to check out a college there, and I am VERY excited about that. I already have so many people to visit, that I have never even met face to face. It is very weird to me. I have made contacts, HA!
The peace that I feel is amazing to me, due to the fact that I am currently scheduled to go out there alone. I have always had a fear of being alone, but my wonderful, magnificent, glorious, perfect God has let me in on a little secret: I am never alone as long as Jesus is in my heart. Praise be to my God on the most high!
I love all of you - my space buddies. I hope that you will help to encourage me and pray for me, as I search out God's will for my life.
MISSOURI, HERE I COME!
* All residents of Missouri: Consider yourselves warned! |
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